


Dave Strider Hosts a Television Show

by whydidmyusernamechange



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, I wrote this on the toilet, Like word for word, Other, also this is based off of an Eric Andre bit, it's probably copy right infringement but I wouldnt know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28292673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whydidmyusernamechange/pseuds/whydidmyusernamechange
Summary: Dave Strider interviews Gamzee Makara.
Kudos: 3





	Dave Strider Hosts a Television Show

Dave leaned over his desk with his hands resting comfortably, squished between his gray chair and his hind-side. Sollux sat in the sandy-colored guest chair with his arms splayed out on the arm rests looking bored.  
"Gamzee Makara." Dave read from an empty pad of line paper.  
He let his hands come from beneath and clapped them together.  
The band began to play. The cameras cued to where their guest was expected to enter. The cameramen continued to stare at the door, although it was unlikely that Gamzee would emerge.  
Dave's face contorted into a pensive glare; that was only revealed by his frown and eyebrows, as his glasses covered his eyes. Not that they were much of a spectacle. In fact they were quite repulsive to gaze upon. Surely he would've never gotten head from Karkat if his matesprit was aware of his sickening oculus'.  
The band continued to play, yet Gamzee still would not enter. Dave looked directly at the camera, with his pensive glare still prominent.  
Sollux stood, as he too expected the guest to soon take his seat, and began to play Tetris on his cellular pestering device.  
Behind him a pale-salmon-hued-crushed-velvet curtain was parted.  
"I can't breathe."  
Gamzee entered, panting for he had taken a brisk walk to the studio.  
The band began to clap for him.  
Sollux put his phone down to watch as Gamzee crept behind Dave, quietly. Strider didn't bother to greet his guest, and continued to stare at the blank pad of lined paper. Perhaps he was hoping that words to guide him through his mundane life would appear. Or maybe even a pair of boobies.  
Gamzee stood next to him for a moment before knocking over his globe, a bit rudely albeit.  
This earned a few "whoops" from the audience along with two questioning glances from both Sollux and Dave.  
The violet-blooded troll then proceeded to push over Dave's desk.  
Sollux and Dave looked at Gamzee with a slight touch of distaste in his unsavory action. However the band continued to cheer Gamzee on.  
Dave picked up his desk.  
Both gentlemen took a seat in their respective chairs. Dave clasped his hands together and leaned in close to Gamzee, while drawing his mug near. "Wh-what, uhm. Do you believe in God?" He whimpered. Dave restated his question more confidently,"Do you believe in God?" then stared directly at the cameras with a pleased face.  
Gamzee's posture faltered. "I don't know."  
In the peanut gallery of the studio Kankri slipped his right arm under his red turtleneck and used his left arm to grab the now empty sweater sleeve. Then proceeded to push his right arm against his sweater. As the material shifted together it made a slight noise, loud enough to gain a small applause.  
"Focus." Dave blew a tiny blow horn to grab Gamzee's attention away from Kankri.  
Gamzee grinned at him, then Dave continued,"Your dad's here."  
Gamzee turned away to see that Kurloz now stood in Kankri's place in the peanut gallery.  
A violet tear- almost translucent in color streaked down the gray-faced boy.  
Dave's words echoed, "Your dad's here."  
Aradia began to play a slow song on a forte-piano, appropriate for this emotional moment.  
She smiled at Gamzee, maintaining unchanging eye contact. This went on for a moment as Gamzee continued to cry, before Dave pulled down his pants and took a huge, warm shat on his desk.  
Eventually Aradia stopped playing, and a scattered applause erupted from the small studio. She posed above the forte-piano with her hands on her hips.  
"I got shit to do next week." Gamzee said to Sollux.  
"Yeah, I got shit to do, too. I got like shit to do tomorrow." The ex-heterochromatic boy responded. "I got dreams and stuff."  
"We've been through a lot." Dave interjected.  
"Yeah, today we got really far." Gamzee agreed.  
"Yeah." Sollux shook his head.  
"I'm just happy everybody got to see me-" Gamzee began, only to be interrupted by John, who had just entered the studio.  
"Investigate three-eleven!" He said with enthusiasm.  
John and Dave began to get jiggy with it. Gamzee looked at them with joy for a moment, before joining in on the fun.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doin your mom. Yes yours!  
> I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers.  
> Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen  
> But her ass was lookin good all up in those mom-jeans.  
> I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?  
> She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin at her jugs.  
> Five minutes later she agreed to get with me  
> So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity!


End file.
